Have you ever had a guy stop talking to you after you get into a disagreement? What do you do when a guy ignores you after an argument?
There's nothing more frustrating than getting the silent treatment. You feel ignored, minimized, and very small. It also feels like you're abandoned.
Why does he ignore after we have a fight When A Guy Ignores You After An Argument - What To Do!
I'm pretty sure each of us has experienced it at some point. You might have even given somebody else the silent treatment. We sometimes even use this on our family.
Somehow we feel that going quiet is an appropriate punishment for the other person. Or an appropriate way to demonstrate our feelings.
But in the end, it usually causes more damage than anything else.
Let's talk about the different reasons that a guy would ignore you after you fight. And then let's talk about what to do when he ignores you like this.
Why He Ignores You - 1: You're right and he's wrong
I think everyone who gets into a fight likes to assume that they are right. Inevitably we always figure out that even if we are "right," the victory lap we take doesn't feel very good. It feels hollow.
Like the old saying goes, would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? When we let our egos get us into the situations, sometimes we can't figure a way out. And sometimes we get so dug in that we can't let go.
Ultimately, if you need to be right, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.
That's pretty strong talk, huh?
But if you've been in any long-term relationships, especially marriage, you know that being right always comes at the cost of the goodwill in the relationship.
In the truth of the matter is it's not really about who's right and who's wrong in the end. It's really about being heard.
Yes, sometimes his ego will get in the way of admitting that you were right. And yes, he may use the silent treatment to sulk a little bit.
But give him time and he will come back around.
One thing you definitely don't want to do is to rub it in his face. You won't get the satisfaction you might hope from this. And why would you want to?
Why He's Not Talking - 2: He's otherwise occupied
One of the more realistic reasons a man isn't getting back to you after a fight is that the rest of his life gives him the excuse he needs to step away for a while.
Sometimes the timing really isn't good. Men are notorious for not talking about every little thing that's going on in their life. Whereas women are often characterized as doing the opposite.
Meaning that it's much more likely that he hasn't told you about everything he's got going on.
He's just juggling his busy-ness as best he can.
And if your conflict happened right when he was busy with a lot of other things, or just about to be, there's a good chance he's just preoccupied with everything else.
While you may feel this is personal, it's not. Well, it's mostly not.
When He Won't Reply - 3: He's flooded
One of the things that will trigger a man is too much emotional conversation. Guys simply do not engage in a lot of talk about emotions. It's not the way we are built.
Many women look at this as being a fault in men. Just as many men see women's preoccupation with emotions as a fault in them.
The truth is somewhere in between.
But when you have a very emotional discussion, sometimes known as an argument, a guy will rapidly tire from the conflict. He doesn't want to be angry at you, and yet the only way he can stay in the argument is to bring up negative feelings.
For a woman, it's very likely that you will tap into sadness as the fuel for your side of the argument - along with your own anger.
Keep in mind that this emotional content will flood his brain. A guy simply can't stay in emotional conversation for as long as a woman can. And when he's hit his ceiling, he will shut down. Just like a computer that has crashed.
The best thing you can do is to let him back off and recharge.
Unfortunately, most of the men I have talked to about the experience of arguing with their girlfriend or wife say that they often are pressed to keep going. Which is understandable, when you want to resolve this very emotional feeling that's going on.
However you have to give men a break from the argument so that he can regroup and recharge.
And that may take some time.
When a man becomes flooded and is pressed to continue talking about something emotional, you may find that his emotions become very irrational and resistant. In fact it's almost guaranteed to happen.
Why Won't He Talk? - 4: He needs to reflect
Just as I mentioned in the previous reason, even if you don't flood him he still needs to be able to think about what you just argued about. The earlier that you can give him that break, the more likely a man will take the time to reflect on what he did or said that created the situation.
And it also gives you time to reflect as well.
Was it just a misunderstanding?
Is there a better way to express it?
Do we really just want the same things?
The truth is that reflection is a necessary part of a relationship. And reflection quite honestly doesn't happen while you are in the middle of the argument, or even with the person you need to reflect upon.
You just need some time apart to figure some things out. And men do this as their standard operating procedure. Women tend to figure things out by discussing things together, men need time alone.
Give him time to reflect on things, and you'll be surprised that he may come back with an apology first. At the very least he will come back with better understanding.
What a man needs most in the situation is your trust that he can handle things alone for a little while, and he does not need to talk about it for the moment. He also needs to be trusted that he will come back in due time.
When He Won't Reply - 5: He's upset
The truth of the matter is that there's a good chance he's upset with you. He may in fact be angry with you.
He might not want to hear your voice for a little bit.
If you are in this situation right now, those words you just read probably stung a little bit. But the truth of the matter is that sometimes you don't get along. And he may need some space again to get over his feelings of hurt.
When it seems like he's ignoring you, remember that men work their emotions out internally most of the time.
Which means he will need a lot of time to figure things out. Or maybe just a day or two.
You have to be patient and trust that he will return to you. If you sincerely doubt that he will, perhaps that's the part about the argument that is most important. That you don't have the trust to bring you back together for the repair.
It's not that you need to suffer, but you do have to respect that he may need to heal in his own way.
What's Up With The Silent Treatment? - 6: Deer In The Headlights
Another common situation for guys is when they are completely clueless about how to fix the situation. He may realize that the argument is legitimate, but he doesn't understand or know what to do about it.
He might ignore you because he doesn't know how to make it up to you.
It could just be these frozen where he is because he's afraid he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. Men often feel like they are in a no-win situation when it comes to negotiating in relationships.
There's a lot of jokes about men arguing with women, and that's for reason. And we wouldn't find them nearly as funny if there wasn't an element of truth to them.
He may need your help to get unstuck from where he is.
Also, a lot of men are afraid of making things worse. He's afraid to say anything because he doesn't know what to say, or how you might react to it. Men don't like causing any pain to the woman they love.
If you're harboring feelings of resentment, you have to let those go long enough to pull him back into conversation. And if you suspect that he is feeling resentment toward you, you may have to do the same. Otherwise you're locked in a stalemate.
And we all know the saying that pride goeth before a fall. That simply means that you can hold onto your foolish sense of dignity, at the expense of a loving relationship.
Don't throw away your love just because you weren't willing to take the step of opening up conversation again.
Why He's Avoiding You - 7: Trivial Pursuit
If you really think about it, most arguments really aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things. Very often we find ourselves fighting over things simply because we wanted to be heard, or we had an emotional slight against us, or we wanted to get defensive.
Looking back on your own experience of relationships, how many arguments you think you been?
How many of those fights were about something important?
How many of those fights were actually about what you were fighting about?
In the end I'm sure you'll find that many of your conflicts didn't actually have to happen. And I won't even ask you to look back at all the arguments that went way out of control and got blown out of proportion.
The fact is that most of our fights are really pretty trivial. In the grand scheme, they just don't mean anything.
This isn't to diminish you or the issues you may have brought up in those arguments. What I'm really saying is that it sometimes takes a small spark to create a forest fire.
We have to stop and take a look at why there was so much flammable wood lying around inside our relationship. Just waiting to erupt into flames.
Most men consider most of the things in the arguments to be pretty small. Even if they are important to you in an emotional way. He's not trying to disrespect or ignore your needs. He's just ignorant about what those needs actually are.
Most guys simply don't feel the same emotions you do about the same things that you do. And it's very important to understand this or you might mistake him for being cold and uncaring.
Again, it's ignorance.
Ignorance isn't stupidity; it's simply NOT knowing.
Of course, your feelings are valid. Sometimes he doesn't understand those feelings. Or why this little thing blew up the way it did.
So you might find that he pulls away because he feels like he's stumbled into a minefield - and any step could create a huge explosion.
When A Guy Ignores You After An Argument - What Do You Do?
So now you know most of the reasons why a guy might ignore you after a fight.
But what should you do about it now? How do you get him to pay attention again and stop ignoring you?
TIP #1: Be patient with him
If there's one thing that would help almost every relationship it's adding a generous helping of patience.
He might take some time to warm back up to the relationship again. Just because he isn't texting you doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you. In fact it probably means he is thinking about you now more than ever.
TIP #2: Have an honest, transparent conversation with him
When you let down your guard and your need to be right, you'd be surprised how much love you can bring to the relationship. But if you're caught in a cycle of trying to protect yourself and avoid being wrong, don't be surprised if he's not attracted to that.
Any more than you would be attracted to him for being cold and distant.
TIP #3: Don't pretend the argument didn't happen
Whatever you do don't pretend that you didn't have the argument. You have to have an honest talk to make sure that there's nothing he's holding onto - or you're holding onto.
There are a lot of couples that fall into a pattern of ignoring their disagreements. Mostly because they have similar introverted personalities. So sometimes talking about emotional stuff can be difficult.
Some arguments can be swept under the rug and they will just blow away eventually. But they usually have to be pretty small. And you have to have a very strong, trusting relationship already.
Be careful about pretending that you didn't just have an argument that has strong emotional currents in it. When hurts go unaddressed, they can become malignant to your relationship.
But also keep in mind that you don't need to apologize for something you didn't do. That's never required.
You can - and probably should - apologize for any hurt or hurtful words that may have been exchanged. Don't hold out on this. There's no trophy for the one who is the last to share their love with their partner.
TIP #4: Own up to your part of the argument
Sometimes pride will stop you from doing the right thing which is to admit your part in the fight.
But you'd be surprised just how much it opens his heart to hear you admit your fault in the argument.
You don't want to get into the toxic cycle of blame that often destroys relationships.
If you can apologize for your part, do it - as I mentioned in #3. And you may be surprised by how fast he will let down his shields and own up to his part.
If he doesn't, then don't start another argument. Instead, ask yourself why he's feeling the way he is. It may come down to him being immature and unable to handle the responsibility of a loving relationship.
But it's up to you to kick things off by being the mature steward of the relationship.
TIP #5: Get back to romance
When you run into an emotional obstacle like an argument, the first thing to do is to make sure you handle the argument. And the next thing to do is to pick up where you left off by getting romantic again.
Sometimes having an argument can leave a residue of negativity. Our emotions are a little stunned.
The best thing you can do is to compensate by swinging back over into romantic mode.
Get back out there and have a few dates...
Buy each other a gift...
Celebrate your feelings for each other...
As the saying goes quality time is the most important in a loving relationship.
TIP #6: Make it up to him
If the argument was partly your fault, it couldn't hurt to make a little extra effort for him.
Maybe cook him something that he really enjoys. Give him a little neck rub.
Or make him a sandwich...
I'm just saying it couldn't hurt to throw some goodwill in the bank account, right?
(Please, I know that this is going to activate a bunch of people because I didn't say anything about him making it up to you. Please keep in mind that this article was written for women on a women's site. There are no men reading it. Wait, there might be men reading it. If you're a man, please make it up to her.)
TIP #7: Remember that you can do both
I'm always shocked to find out how many people find it difficult to manage both anger and love in the same emotional space.
What I mean by this is, when someone is mad at another person they often find it difficult to still keep love in their heart for them. As a culture, we tend to be very binary with our emotions. Off/on.
Just remember that you are capable of holding two emotions in you at the same time.
And I really believe that one of the emotions you hold should always be love.
TIP #8: Reach out and restart your romance...
A really good way to break the ice is to simply send him a quick text to let him know how you feel. It can be as simple as:
"Hey you... I hope we can talk soon and put all this behind us... just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you..."
Something as simple as that can do wonders for inspiring goodwill within the relationship.
Don't hesitate to reach out, but also be careful about needing a response. He may need more time. And you have to still be patient.
Most often, the problem that starts to really create more problems is when we communicate with an unspoken agenda.
Very often women will send a text to a guy in the hopes of getting a text back from him. It's okay to think about when he will reach out to you again. The truth is, though, that you can't predict when he will. Don't set yourself up for failure by having expectations that can't necessarily be met right away.
Don't worry, he will respond. But if you don't get a response back, and then proceed to ramp up your emotional state over it, it's not really his fault. So only reach out when you can do so without needing an immediate response from him.
TIP #9: Now let's fix the problem...
The last step is really pretty simple. Go back to the situation that created the argument and fix it.
You may have to wait until emotions are cooled off before you do it, but it's the essential step that many people forget to do.
Be proactive not passive. Don't wait for things to get better on their own.
Waiting and hoping put you in a place where you have no control. And that's where uncertainty and depression can jump in to make things even worse.
You time a conversation poorly? That should be easy to fix.
You guys have a heated discussion without setting some ground rules? Again, easy to fix.
Whatever the problem may be, there's an easy solution for it:
Learn more about how men work.
This is something that most women want, but very few ever really do.
I really mean it when I say that men are very simple to understand. All it takes is a willingness to believe that he doesn't have to think like you do to make your relationship an incredible romance.
And it's also very easy to understand guys if you have the right information.
Most magazines will never teach you the really important stuff.
Why? Because they're in the business of selling you the next magazine.
I'm here to show you exactly how men work because my mission is to give you what you need to succeed with men. And that simply is the Truth.
When you're armed with the truth you can overcome any obstacle in a relationship.
What's the Truth, you ask?
The truth is you can get any man to commit to you and work through any communication problems.
You ever found yourself looking for clues about how he feels about you? You might have even asked yourself: "How does a man act when he's falling in love?"
That's a great question - because you need to know what a guy does and how he acts when he starts to fall for you. Without some clear signs of a man's interest, you don't want to waste your time, or risk embarrassment.
And the fact is that a lot of women miss men's signals because they don't know what to watch out for. If you don't see the signs up front, you could waste a lot of time with the wrong guy. OR you might wind up walking away from the right one!
First of all - let's be really clear: Falling in love is not what a guy does on the first night you meet him. Love is something that's cultivated over several months of being with a person. (I'll talk about "love at first sight" in another article coming soon...)
Sometimes his signals will be clear, and sometimes they will be strangely contradicting. Look, no one said this romance stuff was logical.
Wait - I take that back! It is logical - it's EMOTIONALLY logical.
And I also want you to turn off your ears when it comes to figuring out if he's in love with you by his words. If he SAYS he's in love with you, that's swell. But you need to SEE the proof in his actions before you believe it!
As the saying goes - talk is cheap.
Now, there are a few things you should know about men's body language before we get started, though. I want to teach you how men show their emotions with their bodies. This will be different for men than women because of the differences in our psychology - and our physiology.
His lips part...
Yes, I saw this on a list of body language signals and I immediately started laughing. This is like saying "He likes you if his left pinky moves 1/64th of an inch." Micro signals like this are a complete waste of your time, and will probably ruin your chances with him.
His eyes dilate...
There are a million reasons why our pupils get larger - darker room, gastrointestinal difficulty, he's surprised... Looking at his eyes to catch a glimmer of hope that you might be walking down the aisle with him in a year is a complete waste of your energy.
He'll touch his chin/adjust his tie/straighten his jacket, etc.
Again, if the sign you're looking for is too common, it's no use to you. These are all signs of him working to look good for you, but that's about it.
His eyebrows do ... something...
I've heard it said that his eyebrows will go up, or arch, or wiggle, or something when he's falling for you. This is another of the silly body language signs that can't be interpreted like this. Don't get into really obscure and small signals or you'll miss the BIG picture.
He'll ... pull up his socks...
Yes, I saw this in an article from Today.com which claims this is a sign of interest from a man. This is ridiculous. Please don't believe this kind of nonsense. It will only give you false hope and leave you even more confused. Can you imagine telling him you knew he was falling for you when he ... pulled his socks up?
Now, what about positive body language signs?
Well, I could list a million-and-one small signs, but the important sign is one you already know:
Does your gut tell you that he's into you?
If you feel that he is, he is!
Guys are obvious. Guys don't hold back when they're feeling the heat of love for you.
If he does hold back, he's probably got some psychological issues that you don't want to deal with. I'm completely serious about this. Men do NOT stop themselves from pursuing you if they're really in love with you. If he does hold back from his feelings, he's probably psychologically unbalanced and more into stalking you.
If you can't get a simple gut feel if a guy is showing signs of falling in love with you - you can trust in ONE thing:
If he's still asking you out, if he's still trying to be around you, if he's still coming over to see you - he wants you. If he keeps choosing to be near you, you're going in the right direction!
And keep in mind that a man's body language isn't the only sign of his true feelings for you, either. You need to pay attention to his words - and even what he DOESN'T say.
What is probably confusing for many women, and why they ask this question about how does a man act when he's falling in love, is because a woman will get confused when a guy comes on strong and then suddenly seems to lose interest.
How can he do that when he was so clearly INTO you early on? It's weird and it feels like a mixed signal he's giving you.
I'll cover it all here as we explore -
How Does A Man Act When He's Falling In Love? 17 Signs...
Men Act Like This When In Love- #1: He's struttin' it...
Guys do a lot of showboating when they're attracted to a girl. I can still remember that feeling as a young man when I knew the girls were checking us out and were appraising which one of the guys they had set their sights on. I could actually feel their eyes on me, and it was an exhilarating feeling. My hormone levels went through the roof, and I felt invincible. It was almost like an out-of-body experience.
Is he trying to impress you?
A guy who's showing off also leads to a ton of other guy behaviors, like bragging, stupid risk taking, and even fighting.
There's just something that takes over a man's body when he smells that scent of sexual conquest in the air. His brain hormones shift over into "Alpha" mode and he becomes a testosterone-soaked tiger.
It's probably the most obvious of all the signals that a man gives.
And it's not just for when he first meets you - and it's also not just for "younger women" either.
Guys become very dominant when they are around a woman they're falling for. He will want to show you how well he can protect you, too.
When He's Falling For You - #2: He's seriously quiet with you…
A guy gets to a point where he wants to start making his real moves with you - and this usually happens by date #3. It's no coincidence that most people jump in bed by this date. A woman usually feels she "knows him" well enough, and the guy is now going to be pushing forward to get to home base.
So he's going to turn from the playful, joking kind of guy to the one that suddenly wants to turn on the R&B records and get those lights down real low.
Quiet time...
You probably won't hear any complaints if you tell him you want to light a few candles. Hey, he's probably already lit a few in the bedroom already.
His quietness is because he's ready to stop talking and start getting physical with you. He's going to be driven by his hormones to start touching you more and being a whole lot closer.
You'll also notice his eye contact is starting to get really sultry. He's got those proverbial "bedroom eyes."
When He's Falling For You - #3: You're His Choice...
This is where a guy will start to make you a priority. You'll rise up to the top of his list - just like that.
And if you know how to handle this stage, you can keep him keeping YOU right there - as a priority. I'll tell you more about that later.
When He's Falling For You - #4: It's PDA time...
And I don't mean "personal digital assistant," either. He's going to want to show his affection for you (also known as being "territorial") in public.
Don't be surprised if he's holding your hand, putting his arm around you, giving you a peck on the cheek...
All kinds of PDAs for all occasions. This is how a man physically feels your presence and love.
Talk is nice and all, but physical CONTACT is the key for guys. That's why men push so hard for sex - it's the "proof" his emotions are looking for.
When He's Falling For You - #5: He babies you..
A guy wants to take care of his woman, and you may start to notice this from him. His attention will be on your happiness.
Is he showing you his "softer" side?
Women may roll their eyes about a guy's desire to fix things for you, but this is serious stuff. Drop the eye-rolling and realize that a guy's most important drive when he's in love is making you happy.
If you short-circuit that, you're going to see him disappear in no time at all.
So indulge him. Let him take care of you.
You deserve this, right?
When He's Falling For You - #6: You're His Circle...
Another key sign of how a man acts when he's falling in love is that he starts to pull you into his inner circle. You'll meet his friends, his family, and the people that are important to him.
Don't underestimate the importance of this.
And - on the other side of the coin - if he doesn't introduce you to family & friends, he's got you in the holding zone.
“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.” – Oprah Winfrey
When He's Falling For You - #7: He's The Middle Man...
A guy who is falling in love will start to concede some things when it comes to making the relationship work. A guy who may have been pretty strict with his time will start to loosen it up to include you more.
Is he willing to compromise?
If he's the kind of guy that only goes to Phish concerts, but now he's going with you to Iron Maiden or Metallica, well that's a sign he's compromising to meet you in the middle.
When He's Falling For You - #9: He Wants The Deets…
A guy who's falling in love with you will also want to know more ABOUT you. He'll ask questions about your day-to-day life, as well as your history.
He might even sound a bit like an interviewer. He'll be asking you all kinds of questions to fill in the picture of you in his mind.
When He's Falling For You - #10: It's A Celebration...
Another thing a healthy, love-smitten guy will do is to celebrate your successes with you. He'll be a good cheerleader for you when the time calls for it.
Maybe he shows up at your work with a couple celebration cupcakes over a promotion. Or he'll take you to dinner when you get that first poem published.
He'll find a reason to make you a focal point of the celebration.
When He's Falling For You - #11: He's THAT Guy...
Yeah, there's the kind of guy that you just can't figure out. He just doesn't strike you as reliable. In fact, you suspect he's likely to flake out on you at the first excuse.
But THIS guy... he's not like that. You feel safe, and relaxed with him. You don't have that suspicious voice in your head telling you to watch out, something's up.
This is a good sign, because your intuition would be prodding you and letting you know if this guy was a problem for you.
When He's Falling For You - #12: He Knows He's Not The Sun…
It's a step in the right direction when your man knows that the world (and you) do not revolve around him.
He'll defer to your decision on occasion. And he's willing to explore new things if it's something you say you'd like to do. In fact, when a guy stops going along and resists everything you want, that's a sign of him losing his feelings of love.
When He's Falling For You - #13: He's Got A Map…
When two people create a relationship, they also start creating a map of the other person. You can call this a Love Map if you like.
It's all the information we store away about the other person, like how they like their eggs, and what shows they watch, and how they handle their emotions, as well as conflict. And it's this map that allows us to navigate the tricky space between two people.
He's planning a future with you in it...
If your man has this map of you, where he gets you and knows how you think and feel - and he knows how to adjust for your oddities - that's a guy that's in love.
He's also showing an advanced skill of relationships - that the details count. He knows the little things about you, and that's a sign of a strong and healthy relationship as well.
When He's Falling For You - #14: Together Is Better...
When a guy is more inclined to want to do something WITH you than without you, that's a huge sign of how he acts when he's in love. He'll make the conscious decision to include you on the little stuff, like trips to the grocery and such.
When a guy does this, he's also experiencing you like a companion - which is a huge sign of love and bonding from a man.
When He's Falling For You - #15: He Starts Locking It...
He wants to make you the only ONE...
When a guy really feels like you're The One for him, he's going to want to lock you down. What that means is that he will:
When He's Falling For You - #16: He Leaves The Buttons Alone...
This one is huge, and it's surprising how many women let this happen in their relationships.
When a guy is in love with you, one thing he will NOT do is push your buttons and work to agitate you. (In fact, when a guy does this later in your relationship, it's a whole different ball game, but that's something I'll cover in another article.)
A man that loves you is not going to set out to hurt you - or your feelings.
If he's dismissive, hurtful, inconsiderate - and he sees that it hurts you, he's not your love. He's acting out against you, and you cannot allow him to do that.
When He's Falling For You - #17: He Will Return Your Calls & Texts...
This one is tricky, because you might think that since he started out doing this early on that it will mean he won't stop calling you and returning your texts right away.
But the gloss of the new relationship will eventually fade... Most guys do not keep up the same level of interaction later in the relationship. Mostly because they often see a woman's attempts to connect as trying to restrict his freedom.
He makes your calls a priority...
However, a guy that is in a balanced and caring relationship will respond to texts and calls considerately.
The problem happens when women abuse texting and turn it into a digital leash. Or as a way to soothe her fears and insecurities by keeping tabs on him.
Remember: Less is more when it comes to messaging and "keeping tabs" on your love. He wants you to connect, but to do it considerately of him.
AND -
REMEMBER: Body language signals are not to be taken as definite signs of a guy's interest. When a guy falls in love, he acts from a variety of instincts. Not all of these are obvious, and not all of them are accurate.
Ultimately, you have to trust one thing over everything else: How does he make you FEEL when he's with you?
If you FEEL like he's into you, he probably is. And if he's doing any of the following, there's a really good chance he's falling in love:
These are all awesome and show you how he acts when he's in love.
But you know what?
It doesn't matter what signs you see if you don't know HOW TO KEEP HIM IN LOVE!
A woman doesn't lose her man because she missed some hidden body language signal. She lost him because she said something or did something that turned him off so much that he decided you weren't worth it.
Men do this all the time. We can change our minds in a few days about whether or not we're into you. But to be honest, if our minds change too soon and too easily, we were never really all that into you.
Maybe just the IDEA of you.
Love you? What about "liking" you? What are the signs...? Find out here.
Very frequently women peruse these lists of love signals because they're insecure about where they stand with a guy. She wants some reassurance that he's into her, mostly because she can't handle too much uncertainty - AND because she never really learned to trust her own instincts.
Women often go looking for lists of "how to know if he's in love with you" because they know they're just looking for a little hope. You can ALWAYS find a sign that he loves you - or is falling in love with you - if you look hard enough.
But honestly, you don't need signs to guide you.
The women who really get men - I mean understand guys - as well as GET the man she wants, these women KNOW men. It's on a whole other level.
They know how men think, how they act, how they feel, and what they respond to.
Most women will never take the time to discover these secrets.
It used to be that your mom would educate you about men, but that's rapidly disappearing as more and more women date, get married, have kids, and get divorced all by the time they're 30 - or older!
Most women these days have missed out on the most vital education of all - the understanding of how men work!
Do you know what men really mean when they say: "I'd like to call you again..." - but he doesn't call you again?
Do you know what a guy wants when he says he: "Likes things the way they are..." ?
Do you know what he wants you to say when he asks to come in for a drink? (HINT: It's NOT "yes"!)
Do you know how a guy decides he's going to commit to you?
At a certain point, you need to stop hoping to see obscure signals of a man's love for you and simply discover the simple truth about how men connect and commit to a relationship.
It's probably every woman's worst fear: the breakup. And then you find yourself texting your friends: "I Miss My Ex Boyfriend - And I Want Him Back!"
Everything probably started out fantastic between you. You had great dates, great fun, great bedroom action...
And then things started to cool off.
He didn't text you as much. He didn't call you as much.
And then you split up...
It might seem like your entire world is flipped upside down. Breakups are brutal, there's no doubt about it.
Your whole world got turned upside down. Especially if you had a lot of hopes of a future with him, maybe even getting married to him.
And this might have happened last week, or years ago. Sometimes it stays with you. For a long long time.
And there are a lot of thoughts running through your mind right now probably too:
So what can you do...?
I'm going to give you 17 steps for handling the situation. By the time you're done here today, you will have learned how to handle your messy feelings, and the loss of this man.
TIP #1: Stay Patient - Don't Panic!
This is probably the most important part of the process. If you're missing your ex, the last thing you want to do is to rush things or lose your cool.
There are a ton of different emotions you will experience when you're cut off from the love of your boyfriend. Or even your husband.
Anger, confusion, sadness, shock...
Your nervous system goes through a big shakeup when there is a breakup.
Of course you'll go through a lot of pain, and at the same time will probably be overwhelmed with feelings of wanting to be with him and connect with him again.
He may even be considering coming back to you during this time period. The big risk is that you will say something or do something that might freak him out during this time and push him away by mistake.
So you have to exercise your self-control during this time.
Stay patient and don't let your emotions get the better of you. One of the best things you can do is to have a friend you can call and talk to when things become overwhelming.
TIP #2: Opportunity Might Show Up
And while this is happening, if you notice any of your guy friends show up to console you, there's a good chance he's been interested in you for a while and is taking his opportunity.
A lot of guys watch and wait in the wings for a woman they desire, especially while she is in another relationship.
So don't ignore the fact that you may find some of your male friends suddenly showing more interest in you. He is seizing the opportunity.
Why not take a chance and see what might be there?
TIP #3: Everything Is Biological
The reality of love is that there are a lot of hormones in your body that distort your thinking. Most people aren't aware just how much the reality is twisted when they're under the influence of love and infatuation.
Your biology is set up so that when you find someone you are physically compatible with, your brain floods you with tons of chemicals to get you to mate with them.
I know in our current age of reason we don't like to think we are subject to these primitive forces, but we are. And we have to recognize them.
You know that tingly, rushing euphoric feeling you get when you meet someone you're really attracted to?
Well, that powerful magnetism isn't a magical mystical force of the universe. It's those hormones - and that's how powerful they are.
So when this guy left, he put you into withdrawal. That's right, you're suffering from going cold turkey in your love addiction.
Essentially, he was a habit. And love is a habit that's hard to break.
So go easy on yourself. Recognize that it's perfectly normal for you to feel this way. If you fight these feelings, you'll probably only have a harder time.
When you're able to sit in the same room with your discomfort, you will have achieved the highest level of human maturity. It's something that most people simply cannot do.
When you got together with this guy, and you probably did time after time after time, you were manufacturing a small addiction to him in your life. So you have to allow that it will take some time for him to wash out of your system. To get "clean."
But you can do it!
And trust that when you do, you'll have a new perspective - where you might wonder what all the fuss was about.
TIP #4: Everything Is Cyclic
You probably even noticed that your feelings of anxiety, sadness, confusion, freedom - they all come in cycles. You have up days and down days.
The best thing you can do is recognize this in advance. When you know that you might have a down day, you can plan for it.
10 I Miss My Ex Boyfriend And I Want Him Back! What To Do 17 Tips...
Likewise, if you have a good day, this is probably when you should remind yourself of all the reasons why you might not want to be in that relationship.
But right now, just realize your brain will go through ups and downs as it gets used to not having him around. You may have to go around on this roller coaster a few times before it starts to get better.
Have faith that it will.
TIP #5: Get your life back in focus
One thing is for sure- you need to put yourself back on top of the priority list. And one of the best ways to do that is to focus on your friends, your family, your happiness.
Chances are, you may have neglected some of your friendships and relationships while you were in a relationship with him. Now is the time for you to rebuild those friendships and connections.
While you are rebuilding this foundation, you can take your time figuring out what to do next.
Maybe you two should get together again. Maybe you shouldn't...
But the only place to make a good decision about that is when you are tied into your network of love and connection.
TIP #6: Don't Call Him Or Text Him
You've probably heard about the "no contact rule." Basically, this states that you should not contact your ex-boyfriend for at least 30 days after you break up.
The reason for this is that he needs time to not feel pressured into the relationship.
This will give him the time he needs to figure out that he misses you.
If you hurry this for any reason, it won't work. He will just think to himself "Phew! I'm so glad I got out of that relationship - she's so needy and desperate..."
Most of the time, a man simply needs time to sort out his own thoughts and feelings before he comes back to you. If you insist on inserting yourself into his life, he'll just feel smothered. And that makes him run away even faster.
Don't forget: You also need time and space to sort out your own thoughts and feelings about him. If you're in constant contact with him, you will just stay in the old patterns.
TIP #7: Watch out for Negative Nancy
Another common pattern that happens after a breakup is that many women start to doubt themselves and think negative thoughts.
You might find yourself thinking things like:
Watch out for these negative thoughts when they pop up. Don't let them run around your brain unchecked. You'll feel your emotions stirred up and you will also feel really down on yourself.
When Negative Nancy shows up, nothing good ever happens.
If you entertain these thoughts, you will just get stuck in them forever. Like an endless loop.
Right now your brain has an unhealthy fixation on him. Because he is the one that your habit formed around. You will know I'm right because of how spontaneous and impulsive these thoughts are when they come into your head.
You kind of know they are a little bit crazy. But you can't seem to control them.
And this will only push you towards panic behavior. You know, like calling him in the late hours of the night, drunk texting him, sending him emails asking him lots of "why?" questions.
In fact, that leads us to tip number eight -
TIP #8: The truth isn't out there
Another one of the most damaging mental loops to get caught in is thinking you can find a reason for everything. Or an answer to everything that happened.
Again, it will start with your need to ask a lot of "Why?" questions:
"Why did he do this?
"Why won't he call me?"
"Why won't he text me?"
"Why doesn't he feel the same way I do?"
"What does he think of me?"
The list goes on and on and on. And you probably won't ever get to the real reasons.
And even if you do, the answers won't satisfy you. They just bring up more questions.
Right now your questions are just your emotions acting out. They try to make you think there is a reasonable, rational answer for what happened. But sometimes there isn't.
Just remember that the truth you seek is the true love you are put here to find. Most likely, it will be found in your future. In the next relationship.
Don't get stuck in the past.
TIP #9: It might not even be HIM
After a while, you may even realize that it's not really this guy that you want. many women fall victim to holding onto a relationship that isn't good for them simply because they're afraid of being alone.
I've even had to coach a lot of men about this. Some guys simply can't let go of our relationship because of their self-esteem issues. They stay in abusive, painful relationships instead of moving on.
Take a look at your own patterns:
Are you capable of walking away from relationships?
Do you really firmly believe you can live without this guy?
Do you find yourself doing unhealthy things in the name of keeping a relationship going?
Really ask yourself: "Is this guy really special? Is he really who I think he is to me?"
Sometimes we hold onto the person because we just don't know how to end things. We may be afraid of being alone, or maybe the relationship ending scared us because we have to face a new step in our own growth.
Make absolutely certain you know why.
TIP #10: Get that pen out
One of the best ways to process a relationship is to write about it. If you can put your thoughts down on paper, you can see if they make sense, or if it's just crazy ramblings of a lonely mind.
Journaling is one of the most powerful ways we can look at a situation and really see it for what it is. A thought that's left to roam inside your head will drive you crazy. You can't pin it down, and you can never see it clearly.
When you write something down on paper, it suddenly becomes real. You can see it for what it really is - honesty, or an illusion
Take some time to really take some notes about this relationship.
But you know what? She is usually that woman you see with the awesome relationship, the one you envy to no end.
This is what she does that you can steal for yourself to create the love of a lifetime.
TIP #11: Keep An Insurance List
Very often after a breakup you will find yourself wanting to go back to him. Even if you were the one to break up with him.
This is only natural, but you should have a way to resist the second-guessing.
Here is one way you can do it. It's a little negative, but it's a necessary negative.
Make a list of all the reasons you don't want to be in this relationship. This is especially important if you have made a resolution that you don't want to go back to him.
You want to have this list because when you are feeling weak, you will be tempted to go back to him. And you need to have ammunition to bring you back around to reality again.
After a breakup, what is the one thing you think about the most? It's almost always all the good stuff that you won't have any more. You'll start missing all the positive stuff, and forgetting all the negative stuff.
This is another one of those distortions that happens in your brain. In order to battle it, make sure you have this insurance list. It's basically insurance that you don't go running back to him.
I remember having the experience of being in relationship and breaking up, and then getting back together and re-realizing the whole reason we broke up in the first place. And now we have a second breakup to go through which could have been avoided.
Whenever you feel like going back to him, you simply whip out this list and read down it. I guarantee you in a few minutes you won't feel like going back to him again.
Or texting him again, or calling him again...
TIP #12: Whip Up A Storm
One of the best ways to stay sane during the time after a breakup is to keep yourself as busy as you can. It's actually a really good way of staying distracted so that you don't sit home for hours and hours just thinking about him.
If you let yourself indulge in fantasy thinking, or even sadness thinking, you're going to lose control and probably do some things you wish you had not.
Trust me when I tell you that these thought loops are dangerous. They are like being in a car when you lost control sliding on ice.
Staying busy is critical.
And I'm not talking about time-wasting busy. Like spending an entire afternoon on Facebook.
I'm talking about getting back to the things that really engage you that are not related to finding a man or a relationship.
Such as:
There are a TON of ways to keep your mind from being obsessed on this guy. And you should absolutely be looking for things to do to keep him off your mind.
The real danger of this time without him is that you have the freedom to do nothing but think about him. Which will totally mess with your head after a while.
It helps to get perspective, and doing other things like this will help get you that perspective. Especially talking to friends and family about the situation - in limited quantities.
TIP #13: Give the FB a rest
If you're finding yourself missing your boyfriend, social media is usually not the best way to keep him out of your head. There is an all-too-familiar tendency to go to familiar pages on the Internet.
Chances are you're going to find yourself in a weak moment and surfing over to his Facebook page, his Instagram, his Twitter feed... you name it.
Don't let yourself indulge in social media. It will be too tempting for you to resist, and it's very unlikely you're going to find anything positive.
In fact, the secret hidden hope that most people have when they do this sort of thing is that they're gonna come across something that stirs up the emotions again. And not in a positive way.
That's right, we are our worst enemies when it comes to what's best for us.
It's just like that perverse need to probe the sore spot inside your mouth with your tongue. It hurts, but we just can't help doing it.
Help yourself avoid this kind of torture. Stay away from the things that remind you of what you've lost. There's nothing to be gained here.
TIP #14: Get out with the girls
In keeping with staying busy, going out with your girlfriends is a great way to help you regain that lost perspective.
You'll be reconnecting with your social network. This always helps in more ways than you can see from the perspective you're probably in right now.
You'll be able to get their perspective as well. They will want to talk with you about the situation with him, and you can do that - again in limited amounts.
You'll remember what it is to be responsible for just yourself. None of that worried preoccupation with being in a couple, or having to manage the relationship part. You get to just be you with your friends.
TIP #15: Work it
I know I mentioned exercise in the previous step, but it deserves its own focus.
Get to the gym and start a regular workout regimen. The benefits of this are almost too many to mention.
You will be getting your serotonin going, which will counteract the weird withdrawal symptoms of losing a love. You'll feel better about yourself as you start to look better. And you open yourself up to meeting other people - even guys.
TIP #16: Scram
One really Great Way to get this guy out of your head - and get out of your loneliness - is take a vacation.
Travel somewhere. If you have the means and maybe a little bit of vacation time, get away from the familiar as a way to get your mind reset.
Even if you can't get away from where you are, you can still take the time to travel in your area. Hop in your car and go for a long drive to a place you've always wanted to go.
I lived in the Washington DC area for six years, and I had to come back to visit all the great museums and sites there. Don't be foolish as I was, take some time to see some of the world around you.
TIP #17: But I don't want him anymore!
If you find yourself in this situation, and if you don't want your boyfriend back, then you probably want to know how to move on from him.
It's said that all great poetry comes from longing in some way. Those longings of the heart that stick with us come out in writing with the beauty of words. My personal longing is to help women see their way to better relationships with men.
But if you're longing too much inside your relationship, it shows that the relationship wasn't fulfilling you. Now it's time to long for the relationship you deserve.
You might find yourself stuck in obsessive thoughts about him. The best thing you can do is to break the addiction you have to thinking about him. You need to replace him with something new to think about.
It's been shown in study after study of people with a habit that they're trying to break that you can't just quit. You have to replace the habit or else there's an empty space that will just get refilled by the old habit.
This is true of cigarettes, eating, drinking alcohol...
In order to break the previous habit, you gotta find something to put in its place.
One thing that would help is to take some of this time to improve yourself. And the best way to improve yourself is in your relationship skills.
The best relationship skill to work on is always communication.
Especially with men, since women seem to have a lot of difficulty communicating with guys. Many women assume that men are extremely complicated. But the truth is much much different.
Men simply have a different mechanism.
If you've ever had to drive a rental car somewhere you probably know what I mean. Or maybe just borrow somebody else's car for an errand.
The new car or different car has pretty much the exact same stuff your car has. It has a brake pedal, accelerator, shift, seats, turn signals, etc. It's probably just in a different place, or looks a little bit different.
But it's all there.
It's the same way with a guy. Everything you know about communication is still there, except he uses slightly different words. Or he may approach a subject from a different angle.
But he still wants the same thing you do. He wants love and acceptance. He wants a partner in this life the same as you.
The best thing you can do is to learn how men think and why we connect the way we do.
Every man has a different way of connecting, and you can learn them all in just one evening.
In fact, I created a program for just this purpose. To show women how men connect in their own special way.
Each man is one of these types:
Turtle
Cat
Dog
Lamb
Bull
If you know what type he is, you'll know exactly how to communicate with him.
And how to get him to fall in love with you.
You can stop making mistakes with guys (because you didn't know which "code" he had.)
If you want to learn about the Connection Code that he has - and how you can finally GET what this guy is saying (and yes, maybe even discover how to win him back)